i miss the 90's

i wrote a whole piece for this. but i'm still a little bit sleepy, and all this heat isn't helping at all. but yesterday while watching vh1 soul i realized how much i miss the music of my youth...


enjoy the flashback bitches.


this made me want to be in a couch scene in a video. i don't have any friends about to make one, but if you know someone who is, tell them to get a couch to put me on. i really just wanna wave to the camera.






this is the real lil kim. what is you see now is an amalgamation of parts left over
from Michael and Latoya Jackson.


and to slow things down...



have a good day.

let me say it slow

i'm ret t'go.

and i have been feeling this way for quite some time actually. i'm just sick of seeing the same things, people, landmarks, litter, fucked up public trans... you get the picture.

seriously,

whenever i get the urge and can stand to be at the club these days,
(which is few and far between. i actually think i've outgrown it. sheesh)
i see more than one person i know. and its not like long lost friends and a total screaming, jumping reunion
no
these are people from my neighborhood/general vicinity. the same damn people that i see every damn day. how is that fair?

nightclubs are supposed to be a safe haven where people embrace anonymity and (sometimes) do things they might not normally do. like... a mini vacation.
that can't happen though when every tom, dick and rasheed from around the corner is posted up at the same bar trolling for ass.
and IT'S NOT FAIR!
because now you can't be new to someone.
odds are there's like 15 or so dudes with them, so if you don't already know lightskin over there...someone you know does.

and then suddenly people are having conversations and theories are brewing about what you did, and if you really went home with him that same night. trust me, i have (sadly) been a part of said conversations, either actively or passively.
the streets not only watch,
they talk too.

i digress...

i'm REALLY ready to go.
i have been a west philadelphia resident for a very long time. my early years were spent in a co-op up north. even though i still have vivid memories of walking to lehigh ave to go to the 5&10 (for birthstone rings no less. that cost a dollar.)
my time there was shirt; too short to still rep 23rd and woodstock.
so this is 22 years.
22 long years spent:
catching the G bus
going to south street
digging my car out in january
almost dying of heatstroke in july
eating cheesesteaks (i will miss you max's)
and falling in/out of love

i have memories here.
but thats what they are and what they will remain. i want to make some new memories, some new friends. see some new landmarks, streets and (for once!) MEET NEW PEOPLE. genuine, honest to God strangers with brand new personailites and experiences to share.

i want that.

but then there's that tiny little voice that screams about that leaving the state will be a lonely venture that i will end up regretting
or
getting some place and failing, then having to come home...
defeated.
*shudder*

i just need to see what weighs more. its a choice between really wanting to leave or compromising and staying.
this would be the time a few years back when i would make a PRO/CON list.
i dont know if thats the solution this time.

shit.

*aside:
i will always until i die represent philly with every inch of my being. i mean seriously, who would i be if i didn't know you?
i've always been very loyal to the home team. ready to defend any and every aspect of the 215 (never recognizing 267. gross. sorry) at the drop of a hat.

plus...everyone secretly wants to be us. undeniable, natural swag coupled with quick wit and stellar business sense.

really?

who wouldn't want to be from here?

i've been up since 3am

and i have no idea why.

and now growing pains is on, and all i can think about is the fact that kirk cameron is starring in christian movies now
and
that i'm friggin tired.

*sigh*

this post isnt't going to make any sense
cause i dont believe that i can make sense now

i'm going to work early
i need to find some change so i can buy a LARGE cup of coffee

i'll make sense later

i promise

just because

i was in bed
and this video made me want to get up and start my day



good morning bitches.

i have a headache

and i have no idea how to get rid of it.
i think that my allergies are acting up
either that or i'm catching a cold.
i don't want to catch a cold since summer colds suck as much, wel...
just about as much as something can suck.

even though there's a breeze outside
thanks in part to the monsoon last night
its an oven in my bedroom cause i'm on the third floor
making it virtually impossible for me to enjoy myself without having to turn the air conditioner on.
but i guess the air conditioner is helping the allergies.

whatever.

...i think i have some vicks vaporub around here somewhere.

in literary news:
i think i'm gonna try my hand at my novel again.
my ultimate plan involves me writing a great book about something (i have no idea what yet, but it'll come to me. i started at least like 4 books so far. all completley different)
and then getting it published
somehow getting it to oprah and having her actually read it
then i'm on her list
and the money pours in.

see it works out.
but i have to actually write the damn thing first.

*sigh*

soon come.

soon come.

things i've noticed...

so i've had some time away.

i needed it. some things have changed (in a wonderful way),
some things have stayed the same.
either way,
i feel better.

anyway,
just like the title says, this is just some things i've noticed recently.

-my computer at work is posessed. either that or somebody who had no business doing so, was touching it in some way, shape or form and now its... retarded looking. like the font's all big and retarded, the spacing and margins are all hooky and what not.
i can hardly look at the thing. cause the home screen's all jacked and huge and the WORDS LOOK LIKE THIS. seriously, i can the shit from the back of the room if the light is right.
*sigh*
and i know its easy to fix. but for some strange reason i can't remember how and i always forget to ask someone when i'm there. so i've been suffering with retardo screen for a few days now. i think i'm over it.

-rihanna (is that how you spell it?) is like a dead fish on camera. currently, i'm watching her "top ten summer of soul countdown" and it's like...looking at someone who maybe missed a wee bit of air upon birth. like maybe if it was a breach birth, and they weren't getting air, but they should be?... yeah like that. imagine that in front of a camera.
yeah
thats exactly what i'm seeing. and then the accent doesn't help. it just makes her sound slower.
...this is mean. and i really don't want anyone to think that i'm a hater. (well i kinda am, but hating on people for bigger things than being a 'tard. c'mon, that can't be helped). i actually like rihanna. i'll freely admit that i downloaded "pon de replay" when it came out and proceeded to burn it on mix cd's and blast it in the whip. i actually own "good girl gone bad" and listen to it on occassion.
but... i will never, ever, ever, ever go see her in concert. i can't even begin to imagine how boring it must be to see her stand there, sing (if you can honestly call that singing), and...stand there. she may strut back and forth, but mainly there she is... in the middle...singing. who wants to pay 65-70 dollars for that? i know i don't.
she's pretty too.
i don't know. they just need to the same for her personalilty/stage presence that they did for her appearance.
that's all i'm saying.

-celebrities seem to have nothing better to do than get pregnant between movie deals. well, maybe i should say...young white girls. i'm assuming, that that is the reason that it is acceptable for them to do so when they are unmarried, sometimes young (i'm looking in your direction jaime lynn) and ill prepared for post children, and so so SO wrong with let's say a young black woman does the same thing. think of juno (which i love btw. that whole argument with her stepmother was hilarious). juno was about a 16 yr old white girl who upon sexing her crush gets pregnant. and the hilarity ensues.
yes, she was ostracized at school, by the boy's parents and strangers in the street
yes, she had to deal with (some) of the emotional issues that are involved with having a child while still being a child.
but
her situation was a cake walk when its compared with those of young black females.
a part of me while watching, laughing and crying with juno, was hating it for the vast difference between that, and their (shaniqua n em) reality.

...i don't know where that rant came from. which leads me to my last point

-i think that last epiphany actually took. i've never felt more relaxed or more... outspoken. and it feels good.

i'm back.